Dating, in general, can be overwhelming
- Do trust your gut instincts – If something does not feel right or if someone seems too good to be true, proceed with caution! We have all heard of the recent case where a female thought she was talking to/dating the actor, Lincoln Lewis. There is a TV series (8 seasons currently!) of situations where people have been catfished. These are some red flags to watch out for:
- If the person tells you they are an actor or model or some such celebrity (this is not to say that these types of people aren’t on the Apps, just proceed with caution and suspicion! I have had a situation where I matched with a man who was somewhat of a celebrity (an ex-rugby union player, had been on Made in Chelsea and was now some high-flying CEO type). I was 100% suspicious, not to mention his photos were dreamy! I proceeded to meet him, and I was pleasantly surprised that it was, in fact, the real deal! I agreed to meet with him first because his conversation didn’t raise any red flags, he wanted to meet me, and we met that same evening, having matched earlier that day (he wasn’t trying to hide from me as most catfishes will!).
- They have a traumatic story that they tell to try and get sympathy. We all have history and trauma, but if someone is telling you a story straight out of an episode of Grey’s Anatomy or Days of Our Lives – Red Flag!
- They won’t speak to you on the phone, won’t Facetime with you or won’t meet up with you – massive red flag! Most of the Apps these days have a phone/video component so you can chat/video without exchanging your number. Some people I know have the rule that they won’t go on a date unless they have spoken with or videoed with the person they are chatting to. I don’t necessarily go by this rule, though if given the opportunity or I feel like I need to know if the person is the real deal, I will ask to talk on the phone or video chat if this is refused…. then there is no date happening. I have, however, been on plenty of dates where I haven’t spoken to the person on the phone or video them, and that’s because I wasn’t getting any gut instincts that were telling me I had to.
- They ask you for money! This is a huge red flag and should be avoided. Think of the Tinder swindler if this ever happens.
The world of dating has certainly changed. My suggestion is to think of the dating situation like getting into a swimming pool or lake, put your foot in first and test out the water. Start with one App and see how it goes. If you don’t find it suitable, perhaps step to the side and try a different App or if the water is too cold, back out until you are ready to try again. Go in with an intention and a positive attitude, you may find someone straight off the bat, or you may end up deleting, re-installing, deleting, and re-installing different Apps. Still, if you have a positive attitude and an intention of what you are looking for, it can be a lot of fun! You may even make some great friends along the way (one of my Tinder matches has become one of my best friends!). Embrace the new you and enjoy the journey!
Dating, in general, can be overwhelming
- Include photos of you doing hobbies, and what you enjoy. For example, I like drinking wine so there are photos of me with wine in my hand, I love my dogs so there are photos of me with my dogs, I like travelling so I put photos of me in other countries. I am trying to attract our suitors who also have similar interests to me.
- When meeting for the first time, always let someone know where you are going, who you are meeting and what time to expect an ‘I’m safe’ message or call. I always send the photos of the person I am meeting, along with their name and any other details they may have given me to a friend, I let at least one friend know where I am going and what time, and we have an arranged ‘message me at this time, if you don’t I will call, if you don’t answer or call me back within 5 minutes I call the police’. I always set an alarm, if things are going well, I simply text the friend that all is going well, and I will let them know when I am home safe. I recall a time when a friend of mine went on her first date with a man she met on Tinder on a hike in a location about 45 minutes from our town. Another friend and I were informed of this, and both of us expressed serious concern about going on a hike with someone that you had never met in a location where there was little reception and not many people. Notwithstanding our reservations, this friend proceeded to go on the date, and we made safety plans, she was to call us by a certain Tagaytay women time, and if she did not, we would be calling the police. Thankfully all went well, and she called us from her car before her deadline (and she ended up happily married to this man!). The point is, though, to have a safety plan, things may happen, but if the police need to be contacted, someone needs to be able to advise the police where you were, who you were with etc.
